Becoming Vanilla?

photoI sit here pondering the state of affairs in our fine country and at times many emotions seem to flow through me like tidal changes in the Bay of Fundy. One moment I’m extremely happy to see the little successes seen around the country where little bits of humanity pop up like springtime flowers and at other times I become distressed at the continued divisiveness I see flashed across the news.

I’m amazed that anything can actually get done at all with this atmosphere. Where emotion is used to “govern” a great country instead of critical thought and rational debate. Where somehow a “crisis” must be needed to bring about change and whereby executive fiat must be used to beat down a legislative process that doesn’t agree.

“So what?” you might ask. Valid question. For those of us that are following the baby boomer generation the easy answer is “I don’t know”. For Gen X, Y, Z, Millenials, and whatever you want to label them, the sensory overload of hyperconnectivity modern communications like Facebook, Twitter, and the 24 hour news cycle only serve to deaden our nerves and the true ability to feel. So what are you feeling? I don’t know… I feel kind of like “vanilla”.



Little joy is taken in what used to be labeled as fun almost as if things must be taken to an extreme to get the dopamine fix and adrenaline rush.

With all these scandals rocking the nation’s capital wouldn’t it just be a breath of fresh air to get the whole truth out to the public? and then just let the process that we’ve fought to defend for many years actually work?

I guess I’m old fashioned in that I think our leaders were voted in to actually lead, not serve their own selfish interests. Apparently I’m wrong and and left to feel, well, vanilla…


Lofty Aspirations or a Harsh Reality?

Louise Weiss along with other suffragettes in ...

Louise Weiss along with other suffragettes in 1935.  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I read a couple of interesting articles today written by Susan Walsh posted here  and here describing the trade off between women coming to the realization that if they are in their late 20’s and hitting the career first, man/marriage and family later must realize they are on the cusp of having only a career to look forward to. While she made some valiant points one must realize that this article is solely written through and with the lens of feminism attempting to provide a long range strategy in the “We CAN have it all!” mantra that seems to be all the rage today with most hardcore feminists. It attempts to support that a woman has the ability to decide what she wants when she wants.

Ms Walsh quotes Sylvia Hewlett’s 2002 article Executive Women and the Myth of Having it All, which advises women to give careful consideration to their objectives well ahead of time:

1. Figure out what you want your life to look like at 45. 

If you want children (and 86-89% of high achieving women do), you need to become highly intentional and take action now.

2. Give urgent priority to finding a partner.

High achieving women have an easier time finding a partner in their 20s and early 30s.

3. Have your first child before 35.

The occasional miracle notwithstanding, late-in-life childbearing is fraught with risk and failure. 

4. Choose a career that will give you the gift of time.

Avoid professions with rigid career trajectories. Certain careers provide more flexibility and are more forgiving of interruptions. Female entrepreneurs, for example, do better than female lawyers in combining work and family – and they both do better than corporate women.

While I agree with the list I’d like to point out that this is extremely one-sided. This assumes that women in this category (highly educated, high achieving, high income, etc) have more “choice”

Susan writes:

I’ve been using the musical chairs metaphor since I began blogging – it’s been clear for two decades that women were outperforming men in education, and the current college ratio of 57% female, 43% male makes it undeniable that we have a serious problem with marriage prospects. 

The reasons for this disparity can be argued on many facets but I’d like to narrow mine to a few:

1. 30 years of feminism, STEM, and other female centric programs teaching both genders that women deserve MORE focus than males in the education system.

2. Failure of our modern schooling to adequately focus on the difference in learning styles for boys and instead shifting focus to girls. Ever wonder why ADHD is such a new widespread “syndrome” in our society and it affects boys more than girls?. The answer is drugging the boys so they “calm down” and “focus” instead of realizing that boys learn through hands on rather than just reading and answering questions.

3. Boys realizing that there is no longer an incentive to attain higher education in a system that no longer supports their ability to achieve in the future workplace. In other words, opting out.

4. College admissions openly against admitting males in favor of females regardless of qualifications and supposed gender neutral admission policies.

5. Women radicalized to thinking that more education really leads to what they truly want in life.

Walsh further states that one third of today’s female college graduates (Millennials as the focus) will not marry a college educated male according to the following reasons:

1. They want high achieving men, and there aren’t enough of them to go around.

2. They are ambitious in their careers but lazy about their love lives.

For one, it’s not as if we are holding out for Jake Gyllenhaal, but we do have certain non-negotiable expectations for potential mates that include college degrees and white-collar jobs. Life has always gone according to our plans, so why wouldn’t we land a man with these (reasonable) requirements?

This unwillingness to settle for less than we think we deserve is joined by a lax attitude towards searching for potential mates. We’re busy dominating the world. We don’t have time to hang out at bars. While some of us explore online dating or take a more proactive approach, the majority of Millennial women have long assumed we would meet Prince Charming via friends, or through their own social circles.

There’s nothing women can do about the sex ratio in college, but they can certainly be strategic in their search for a mate. Indeed, it is not a random game of musical chairs. By making the right choices, you can get a tipoff on when the music is about to stop.

I generally applaud Ms Walsh’s writings in illustrating her points but I think she doesn’t want to alienate her more fem leaning readers by admitting to and illustrating the female imperative. While I realize she’s attempting to protect the gains women have made in education and perhaps the workplace, she cannot seem to focus the light on what feminism in its worst form (what we are living with now) has wreaked on our society.

While the above is true if you THINK you have a choice, which of course you do, Ladies, permit me to let you in on a little secret. The choice you really have is to either believe the lie you’ve been fed for the last 30 years or not. Simply put, men are awakening to the new reality and believe it or not, they aren’t mad. Quite the contrary. Instead they are simply opting out of the game you want to play. Want all the super achievements? Fine, go for it. You’ll reap the “benefits” bestowed on the old fashioned male that you’ve come to hate. If you haven’t read about the Herbivores of Japan you really should. It’s coming to a society near you at a lightning speed. Men are simply going to work to live and survive and no longer to “achieve”. What’s the point? Women need to stop bemoaning the dearth of marriageable men because you’ve gotten what you’ve asked for. Feminism has built a whole new society where everything is looked at how it impacts women as opposed to its impact on men or to society as a whole.

So ladies, you do have a choice. Continue to believe the lie, or kick it to the curb and decide which route you want to take in college. You do have a shelf life and men are becoming very aware now.